What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
