If i come over, it means nothing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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