I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
