I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
