I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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