he wants to bone in the snuggie
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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