I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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