You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
