are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You smell like stripper and shame
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
