I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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