You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
