Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
