Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
