Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
