quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
