he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
