I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
