It's Friday. Sex?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
