Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's always time for handjobs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
