I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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