who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
not ubering you a puppy
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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