He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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