I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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