Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
