Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
