You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
