I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
