So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
