i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we're so committed to being not committed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
