He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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