what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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