I love black thongs
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
