dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
