dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
