Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
