Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
