Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
