i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
