people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
