that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
