You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
