if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need a beard to bite.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
