Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I know her cup size but not her name....
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