my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
