Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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