Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
