I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
