Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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