the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
