Soap is not a condiment
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
True strength comes from lack of pants
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
