Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
