I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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