to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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