Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
