my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
