I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ruined the universe
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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