He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
