My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
