She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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